Welcome to a new kind of relationship
Being a military girlfriend or boyfriend means loving someone whose job shapes where they live, when they can talk and how far ahead you can plan. It also means joining a large, informal community of partners who have been through the same things. Nothing here requires you to change who you are, but knowing what is coming makes it easier.
The first big milestones
Basic training
If your partner is just joining, basic training is usually the first separation. Phone access is very limited, and letters are often the main way to stay in touch. Writing regularly, even short notes, means a lot. Graduation is a big day; ask whether partners can attend.
Technical or job training
After basic comes job training, which can last weeks or months. Phone rules are often looser, and weekend passes may be possible.
The first duty station
This is where routines settle: work hours, duty days, PT, and the base town that will be home for a few years. It is also when many couples decide whether to try long distance or live closer.
Deployments and field time
Field exercises can last days or weeks. Deployments typically run from a few months to about a year. Communication may be patchy and details stay private for security reasons. Read our guide to dating during deployment.
Moves
Active duty members usually move every two to four years. As a girlfriend or boyfriend, you are not included in the move, so decisions about relocating are yours to make together. See dating through a PCS move.
What girlfriends and boyfriends can and cannot access
- Base access: usually by sponsorship or sign-in, depending on the installation.
- Benefits: health care, housing allowances and military ID cards go to spouses and registered dependents, not partners.
- Official notifications: in an emergency, the military contacts next of kin, which usually means family, not partners. Ask your partner to make sure their family knows how to reach you.
- Family readiness groups: policies vary; some welcome partners, some focus on spouses.
Speaking the language
Expect lots of acronyms: PCS, TDY, BAH, PX, OPSEC. Our civilian starter guide includes a short glossary. Ask when you are unsure; it is a normal part of learning.
OPSEC for partners
Do not post deployment dates, locations, unit movements or homecoming details online. Avoid tagging your partner's unit or base in posts. When in doubt, leave it out.
Building your support network
- Connect with other military partners, online or locally.
- Keep up your own friendships and routines.
- Have a plan for lonely stretches: a class, a project, regular calls with friends.
- Use professional support if you need it. Military OneSource serves service members and families, and many communities have counseling services.
Keeping your own life
Your career, friends and goals matter. The healthiest military relationships are partnerships where both people's plans are taken seriously. If a relationship asks you to give up everything with nothing in return, that is worth discussing.
Watch for impersonators
If you are meeting someone new online who says they serve, stay alert. Scammers pose as soldiers to win trust and ask for money. A genuine partner can video chat and will never ask you to pay for leave or travel. See our military romance scam guide.
Questions from new military girlfriends and boyfriends
Can I attend basic training graduation?
Often yes, if your partner invites you. Check the specific base's guest policy.
Will I be told if something happens to my partner?
Official notifications go to next of kin. Make sure your partner's family has your contact details.
Can I live on base with my boyfriend or girlfriend?
Generally no. Base housing is for service members and their registered families.
How do I cope with the first deployment?
Keep busy, stay connected with friends, write often and lean on other military partners.
Is this guide only for girlfriends?
No. Everything here applies to boyfriends and partners of any gender.
Where can I meet someone in the military?
Signup Here to meet service members, veterans and civilians across the US.